Pete Carroll is in the Ghetto

Great story on Pete Carroll! READ IT

Scientific Sports: Greatest Super-Soldier Baseball Team of All Time!

Got the list from www.thebiglead.com:

It's like having Captain America at every position!

Andy Pettite
"Roger Clemens
Barry Bonds
Bobby Estalella
Jason Giambi
Miguel Tejada
Eric Gagne
Jeremy Giambi
Benito Santiago
Gary Sheffield
Randy Velarde
Lenny Dykstra
Jay Gibbons
Troy Glaus
Denny Neagle
Ron Villone
Ryan Franklin
Mike Stanton
Paul Lo Duca
Fernando Vina
Kevin Brown
Matt Herges
Chris Donnels
Todd Pratt
Kevin Young
Mike Lansing
Larry Bigbie
Brian Roberts
Jack Cust (poor guy!)
Paul Lo Duca
Kent Mercker
Rick Ankiel
Tim Laker
Todd Hundley
Mark Carreon
Hal Morris
Matt Franco
Rondell White
Jose Canseco
Chuck Knoblauch
Gregg Zaun
David Justice
F.P. Santangelo
Glenallen Hill
Mo Vaughn
Paul Byrd
Jose Guillen
Jason Grimsley
John Rocker
Gary Matthews Jr.
Matt Williams"

–
Wow, I'd put that team up (full hgh/roid era) against any team!

But then again I'm a scientist.

Masturbating Coaches

Thanks Comics Curmudgeon!

Whitlocks a Weed Pussy

I normally love Jason Whitlock, sorry to see he's such a big pussy about weed. I mean the dude didn't even smoke it in front of him.

Gay Cowboys

"That cowboy shit is strictly for fags."
Ratso Rizzo
Midnight Cowboy



I don't think cowboys are as gay as they looked. Sure there were plenty of gay cowboys. Many I'm sure signed up just for the outfits. But homosexuality was not as nearly as rampant when one considers all that horseback riding coupled with how cowboys washed. Or rather, didn't wash.





These are men that had to bathe before whores would have at 'em. And these are those scary cowboy whores. You ever check these ladeez out



Belle Starr the "Greatest Whore in the West" looked like Jaime Farr. Now. Not when he was on Mash. How he looks now. Would you take a bath just to fuck Jaime Farr? I know I wouldn't.
Factoring this one must assume that most cowboy "gayness" was confined to dares and lost wagers. Most of these "sex acts" were endurance contests i.e.: how long can you keep things in your mouth, etc.
Ponder the nether regions of a man who spends his days on a horse in
the hot sun. Yikes. The smell must have been blinding. The potent brew of layers of dried nut sweat, and ass grease, and horse. It was like a curry. A concoction funkier than the Ohio brothers shit house. Tex ain't the only thing tall in the saddle.

Not exactly the kind of guys that went for show tunes.

"Reno if yer gonna wear chaps you gotta wear pants. Think about it all we do is ride, eat beans, ride, eat beans, ride. Jeezus Reno, cover up I don't know why I even have to tell you this. We're Cowboys there's a code. It's an extension of the social contract. Pants aren't for you.

Pants are for other people. Let me put it this way Old Paint is peeling.
Mexico called about the smell."







Red Foxx was right. "You gotta wash your ass".








Now please excuse me I have to go jack off to Tim McGraw.

Countdown - Head Coaches Who Give Great Head #1

John Madden

Big jowls, floppy, slobbering, spittle covered lips, let's face it here's a head designed for guzzling cum. Getting blown by Madden is like sticking your dick in a bucket of warm wanting pork knuckles.He's so good at swallowing cock he can suck the hardened life back into Pat Summerall's whithered, whiskey filled prick. He's the guy that invented the all Madden team not to designate who the best players are, but to recognize who gets the most "dirt" on their uniform. Madden gets a bump to number one due to the fact while he's blowing horn, he ain't talking.

Countdown - Head Coaches Who Give Great Head #2

Rick Pitino
This fading beauty brings his hunger for pud to the University of Louisville hoping to prove he can still get on his knees and deliver. When he wraps his lips around your wad and you look into his beautiful doe like eyes you realize "Chachi" can still chug cock with ball draining accuracy

Countdown - Head Coaches Who Give Great Head #3

Bob Knight

We know, you're thinking not Knight he's way too much of a hot head he might even rake a little due to his high strung nature. But let's set things straight, the only thing redder than his sweater is his well worn pork hole. It makes perfect sense that Knight would love slobberin' up your pecker prior to penetration. To this B & D aficionado love means never having to say ouch your hurting my ass.

Countdown - Head Coaches Who Give Great Head #4

Dick Williams:
Don't call Dick Richard, there's a reason he likes walking around with no pants, cause if there's one thing he likes more then wrapping his hungry lips around a succulent cock, it's getting his ass pounded with man meat.

Countdown - Head Coaches Who Give Great Head #5

Phil Jackson

Yeah we know what you're thinking: his lips are too thin and maybe his necks a little scrawny for talking to the little man. Now think beyond Phil Jackson the successful NBA coach, think of Phil Jackson the person. You know the Dali, Buddha, Astro Projection Dude. This is the guy that every season assigns a book for each player to read and then give a verbal book report. This year Lamar Odom's was the ingredients to a Nestle's Crunch Bar, rumor has it he reads a lot more now. But we digress, just imagine Phil's groovy hippy free love attitude tutin' your flute. Hell, with his Hindu ways he's probably playing with your balls or has his finger up your ass. This alone squeaks him into the top five.

Sports Science - Is the Hulk Gay?

I'd like to take this moment and celebrate the world's first Gay super-hero. Now I know most of you comic geeks out there are going to throw out Northstar of Alpha Flight as the first gay hero, give me a break. First, he's just a rip off of Quicksilver from the Avengers whose kind of a lame character to begin with, second he's from Canada, so does he really count as a super-hero?

Separated at Birth? Or just lazy creators?

Quicksilver - Looks Gay







Northstar - Is Gay






No the first true gay hero is the star of comics and television the incredible hulk. You're probably asking yourself, the hulk, gay? No way.

As science will show you, yes way.

We'll in two words...yes way.

Let's start with his origin:

Caught in the heart of a gamma bomb explosion Physicist Bruce Banner (I can't think of a more obvious gay name for a character except Percy, even the TV show ditched it and called him David because it was too obvious) is transformed into the mightiest mortal to ever walk the earth the Incredible Hulk.

Physicist Bruce Banner is in the New Mexico desert to perform test on the new gamma bomb he has developed. His assistant Igor wants him to give him all the information on the bomb but Bruce doesn't trust Igor with the information. (Igor knows of Bruce's secret homosexuality and wants him to admit the truth). General Ross shows up and bitches and moans about the tests taking too long and calls Banner a Milksop. (Ross is labeling Banner a sissy, and in his day calling someone a sissy is like calling someone a fag). The countdown begins when Banner spotting a young teen trespassing onto the test site (the teen is trespassing or entering the forbidden, a blatant reference to a homosexual act), Banner runs out to rescue him and tells Igor to pause the countdown. Igor ignores Banner and the countdown continues (Igor wants to Out Banner). Bruce reaches the young teen, named Rick Jones, who tells Bruce he's proving the other guys he's not chicken (a truth or dare like sex game). Bruce calls him a fool and grabs him throwing him into a trench but not in time to stop himself from being exposed to the gamma bomb explosion. (Banner rescues the boy from experimental homosexuality but in doing so is exposed to the bomb, a euphemism for exposure to the male asshole).

Now in times of great stress or anger Bruce Banner transforms into the Incredible Hulk.

Let's look at some of his trademark expressions:

"Nothing can stop the Hulk!!!" A simple attempt to try to let the other heroes know, that he can't change what he is and that being gay is just a part of who he is.

"Mr. Magee, don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry." TV's David Banner desperately trying to hide his secret gay life-style from that snoopy reporter.

"The madder Hulk gets the stronger Hulk gets!!!" do I need to even add anything to this one?

In the early days of the comic book and on the TV show Banner is desperately trying to keep his transformation a secret. Keeping the Hulk in the closet so to speak. During the transformation Banner loses everything but his pants and goes on rampages through the night. He even occasional hooks up with chicks who when they see him faint from fear. Rick scolds the Hulk for this and the Hulk always replies who cares it's just a woman. Not to mention that the Hulk still hangs around with Rick Jones a teenager he "saved", who tries to help him retain control of himself. The Hulk keeping Rick Jones around is like a fat guy trying to lose weight working in a pie shop. In his first few issues he changes outfits about 20 times, if that's not a obvious gay reference I don't know what is.

Next he joins the Avengers, you know, Thor, Iron Man, Ant-Man, Wasp, and Rick Jones. The tension between the Hulk and Thor is heavy right away. The Hulk isn't sure to fight Thor or kiss him. And he's always threatening to rip Iron Man out of his Armor. As an Avenger the Hulk wasn't very good.

By the third issue he'd joined the villains side joining Prince Namor the Sub-Mariner. Namor the sexy spock looking dude that only wore tiny swim trunks, Namor is also an outcast as the surface dwellers (heterosexuals) have destroyed his beloved Atlantis. You know the Hulkster was only working with him to get those scaly shorts off his firm, tight ass. Besides only someone with Namor great strength and toughness could handle the Hulk's Jolly Green Giant. Sadly, at the end of the fight the Hulk is completely miffed at Namor because once he's done fighting with the Avengers all he wants to do is go back to his Atlantean Palace and start banging the blue bitch. The Hulk, as always, is left alone, because no super-heroes in the Marvel universe will openly embrace his life style.

He will eventually find a place to hang with the Defenders, Doctor Strange (his name says it all), the Silver Surfer (a naked space faring alien), and his old butt-bangin' buddy Namor. A team of outcasts like the Hulk who defend the earth in secret, or in the closet so to speak. Also should be noted there's no women on the team. Which I think is the reason the Hulk stays on the team so long.

Disagree with my evaluation? Well screw you, I'm a Professor.

Cave Art Depicts Lions Winning Championship Game

-Wayne, Michigan

Archeologists uncovered a cave painting that appears to depict the Detroit Lions defeating the Cleveland Browns for the NFL Championship.

Doctor Jorge Ekblom, chief scientist, believes them to be genuine. “We've done some carbon dating testing and I know it seems pretty far fetched for them (Lions and Browns) to even be in a championship but these appear pretty authentic.”

Ekblom estimated the cave art could be almost 50 years old. “Since there were no NFL Films in the 1950’s, we have no real historic record of anything that happened in that era, that’s why this discovery is so important. With NFL Films the common belief is that the Denver Broncos were the most important team in NFL history, this shows there were actually pro-football games prior to that!”

Dr. Ekblom went on to explain that it was a simpler time back then, tribes along the Detroit River, spent their days hunting and gathering at the Ford plant and had no modern devices for recording such events. “Even way back then they watched football and drank what appears to be a hops based beverage.”

Ekblom added, “We may need to rewrite the NFL history books and as a life long Michigander I can finally talk shit to all the Green Bay assholes that live around here.”

Sports Science

Whites and Blacks have competed athletically on an even playing field for what seems far too long. How long? Well long enough to prove that blacks and whites can't compete on an even playing field. Statistics, empirical data and common sense tell us that opportunities for white athletes are being lost every year. How do whites endure and how can they continue to compete, when science tell us that whites have as much of a chance of future success as a Shawn Bradley post move?
Science has long known that whites are slower and can't jump as high as their black counterparts.

Don't believe me? When is the last time you saw a white sprinter compete in a race?

Sure Germans and Russians, but they don't really know any black guys. Even if they did would you believe they were really a German or a Russian. I know I wouldn't, but then again I'm a scientist.

Of course there are a couple of fast white guys. No particular name springs to mind. These "examples" can be dismissed as genetic accidents. Proof being that most fast white guys can't catch, or hit, or really do much to help their teams.
They only seem to impress sports announcers who drone on and on about how one of these "freaks" was the fastest guy in high school, but right about then the aforementioned "mutant" drops the ball or commits a bonehead play making his so called speed seem all the more tragic.



White men can't jump. I think Woody Harrelson articulated that point rather eloquently by getting his ass kicked routinely by Wesley Snipes, who is about 5' 2". I know this because a buddy of mine saw him on a ski lift in Aspen. He's tiny. Sure one of Rick Berry's kid won the slam dunk competition, but let's be serious, it wasn't that great of a dunk. It just looked impressive because it was a white fella "hanging" up there for what seemed like so long. Barry himself was "knocked out by the dunk" and commented that he'd "like to try one in a game some time.".


Jumping has never been kind to white folks. The last time whites jumped with any success was when the market crashed in 1929. In medieval times the best jumpers were recruited for front line battle duty. Their gravity defying antics allowed them to absorb the onslaught of spears and arrows and other flying projectiles. These leaping martyrs were no doubt killed, or rendered impotent before they had a chance to reproduce.
Mothers who's children demonstrated jumping abilities encouraged their young to adopt a sedentary lifestyle. Leading to the contemporary custom of the fat tub of shit who sits next to you at the bar and tells you how he could sky when he was a kid.



Historically blacks have dominated whites athletically. We turn to the Crusades as an example. During the Holy Wars despite the fact whites had more preparation and better training facilities they still got their ass handed to them by some Muslim. Not much has changed.




Is there still a place for the white athlete in the 21st century? Let's not get alarmed. There will always a niche for the white athlete. Relax, we're not Indians. Whites have proven they can still dominate at a few strategic positions: punters, kickers, longsnappers,utlitymen, left-handed relief pitchers, bowlers...

We can create new positions like a "free throw specialists", or a"non-running quarterbacks". Or create new opportunities by borrowing an idea from the ladies and create a league of their own. Or maybe just play the women and slap those bitches around, dominate and let our hearts fill with joy.

And when these leagues fold we still have the movies. We can make films and dream.

After all it is still our America. We can always coach.

The All Mighty Ozdell allows Rick Williams to Return

Ricky is Back! But who will he play for???

Shatner Secrets

Poor video quality, but it's Shatner!

Coaches for President

Now that celebrity politicians such as Jesse Ventura and Arnold Scharzenegger have permanantly lowered the bar, thus opening the door for anyone from Tony Danza to Queen Latifah and whoever else wants to serve. The real fear is Coach Presidents!

Bill Parcells





This professional prick would trounce either Hillary Clinton or whoever the Republicans nominate head to head. He has enough sociopathic tendencies that pass as character:

He's tough minded
Refuses to back down
And knows how to make people like him as he humiliates them.

He'd be the first president to resign then pout until he is asked to be president again. "It Doesn't work that way Bill."

"I don't give a shit about the constitution. How many rings does George Washington have".

Plus he can intimidate the media.


Phil Jackson

He comes off as a liberal hippie who'd be soft on defense, but do you ever notice that when he's mad he looks like Stalin.

"Ideas are more powerful than guns. We would not let our enemies have guns, why should we let them have ideas. "








Mike Ditka

Come on, you know a lot of guys would vote for him. Who ever runs against him would have to use his Saints years as there Swift Vote.






John Madden















May be a little old. But when he looks at all of the time George W. Bush spends in Crawford Texas his inherent laziness may convince him that he can do the job.

"The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break. "

"Hey kid, get me a hot dog!"



Joe Torre

Has the temperment and the rings, but is America ready for a president that looks like Fred Flintstone?



"YabaDaba Doo!"