I'd like to take this moment and celebrate the world's first Gay super-hero. Now I know most of you comic geeks out there are going to throw out Northstar of Alpha Flight as the first gay hero, give me a break. First, he's just a rip off of Quicksilver from the Avengers whose kind of a lame character to begin with, second he's from Canada, so does he really count as a super-hero?
Separated at Birth? Or just lazy creators?
Quicksilver - Looks Gay
Northstar - Is Gay
No the first true gay hero is the star of comics and television the incredible hulk. You're probably asking yourself, the hulk, gay? No way.
As science will show you, yes way.
We'll in two words...yes way.
Let's start with his origin:
Caught in the heart of a gamma bomb explosion Physicist Bruce Banner (I can't think of a more obvious gay name for a character except Percy, even the TV show ditched it and called him David because it was too obvious) is transformed into the mightiest mortal to ever walk the earth the Incredible Hulk.
Physicist Bruce Banner is in the New Mexico desert to perform test on the new gamma bomb he has developed. His assistant Igor wants him to give him all the information on the bomb but Bruce doesn't trust Igor with the information. (Igor knows of Bruce's secret homosexuality and wants him to admit the truth). General Ross shows up and bitches and moans about the tests taking too long and calls Banner a Milksop. (Ross is labeling Banner a sissy, and in his day calling someone a sissy is like calling someone a fag). The countdown begins when Banner spotting a young teen trespassing onto the test site (the teen is trespassing or entering the forbidden, a blatant reference to a homosexual act), Banner runs out to rescue him and tells Igor to pause the countdown. Igor ignores Banner and the countdown continues (Igor wants to Out Banner). Bruce reaches the young teen, named Rick Jones, who tells Bruce he's proving the other guys he's not chicken (a truth or dare like sex game). Bruce calls him a fool and grabs him throwing him into a trench but not in time to stop himself from being exposed to the gamma bomb explosion. (Banner rescues the boy from experimental homosexuality but in doing so is exposed to the bomb, a euphemism for exposure to the male asshole).
Now in times of great stress or anger Bruce Banner transforms into the Incredible Hulk.
Let's look at some of his trademark expressions:
"Nothing can stop the Hulk!!!" A simple attempt to try to let the other heroes know, that he can't change what he is and that being gay is just a part of who he is.
"Mr. Magee, don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry." TV's David Banner desperately trying to hide his secret gay life-style from that snoopy reporter.
"The madder Hulk gets the stronger Hulk gets!!!" do I need to even add anything to this one?
In the early days of the comic book and on the TV show Banner is desperately trying to keep his transformation a secret. Keeping the Hulk in the closet so to speak. During the transformation Banner loses everything but his pants and goes on rampages through the night. He even occasional hooks up with chicks who when they see him faint from fear. Rick scolds the Hulk for this and the Hulk always replies who cares it's just a woman. Not to mention that the Hulk still hangs around with Rick Jones a teenager he "saved", who tries to help him retain control of himself. The Hulk keeping Rick Jones around is like a fat guy trying to lose weight working in a pie shop. In his first few issues he changes outfits about 20 times, if that's not a obvious gay reference I don't know what is.
Next he joins the Avengers, you know, Thor, Iron Man, Ant-Man, Wasp, and Rick Jones. The tension between the Hulk and Thor is heavy right away. The Hulk isn't sure to fight Thor or kiss him. And he's always threatening to rip Iron Man out of his Armor. As an Avenger the Hulk wasn't very good.
By the third issue he'd joined the villains side joining Prince Namor the Sub-Mariner. Namor the sexy spock looking dude that only wore tiny swim trunks, Namor is also an outcast as the surface dwellers (heterosexuals) have destroyed his beloved Atlantis. You know the Hulkster was only working with him to get those scaly shorts off his firm, tight ass. Besides only someone with Namor great strength and toughness could handle the Hulk's Jolly Green Giant. Sadly, at the end of the fight the Hulk is completely miffed at Namor because once he's done fighting with the Avengers all he wants to do is go back to his Atlantean Palace and start banging the blue bitch. The Hulk, as always, is left alone, because no super-heroes in the Marvel universe will openly embrace his life style.
He will eventually find a place to hang with the Defenders, Doctor Strange (his name says it all), the Silver Surfer (a naked space faring alien), and his old butt-bangin' buddy Namor. A team of outcasts like the Hulk who defend the earth in secret, or in the closet so to speak. Also should be noted there's no women on the team. Which I think is the reason the Hulk stays on the team so long.
Disagree with my evaluation? Well screw you, I'm a Professor.
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